Greetings. Tobin here.
Having lived as long as I have, I have seen many deaths. Only recently, however, have I come to be affected by death. As a child, when I was first instructed on my mission here on Earth, I learned to view humans objectively. The idea that I am not one of you was reinforced regularly and, like my fellow classmates, I came to know this as the truth. For the majority of my life, humans have been merely a means to an end and that was how I viewed them. Even those whom I have spawned were mere by-products to be tested, trained and sent out into the world on the same mission I am on – not to be thought of as sentient beings who have emotions and ideas and any other importance in my life than, again, being a means to an end.
This past week, one of my scions died. She was three years old and I had only seen her twice – once on the day she was born and then once more when I happened to be passing through the area and thought to stop in to check on her progress. Last week, she and her legal guardian were involved in an accident in which both were killed. Of course, many other scions of mine have died. But this one seemed to mean more to me somehow. I do not know why.
When Teagan contacted me this weekend and asked why I had not been in touch, I explained to her what had happened and what I have been experiencing. She says it is my human nature for compassion that is surging to the fore in the wake of this tragedy. She explained this is what humans go through when they lose a loved one.
I would hardly label someone I have seen only twice in my life as a loved one, but Teagan says the fact that I was there for the birth of the scion and the fact that she was part of my genetic line created an automatic bond between us. Although I am unsure about this whole bonding theory, I did experience something vaguely resembling what I believe humans call grief upon learning of her death.
How do humans deal with it? I found myself missing this individual I had never spent time with or had any true knowledge of and it made no sense to me. That is when Teagan read to me a portion of the story she had written. It reminded me of the reason all life exists, of why the Universe itself came into existence. This helped put things into perspective in a way that made sense to me and I must thank her for that.
I find it amazing that humans can deal with this uncertainty and loss and still maintain a positive attitude. As I dictate these words for Teagan to type, it reminds me of the fact that she struggles daily with the knowledge that the illness that nearly took her from this planet last year has made a resurgence. When first I met her, I realized she had suffered from this illness for years. It was what kept me from using her for my mission. But now she has become my friend and confidant and I am almost glad she was not a viable candidate – almost.
I do not know if the thing called fate brought me to her life or if we happened upon each other merely by chance. However, I do know I would not wish to lose my new friend – especially not to something for which there are known treatments! But all I can offer her is my friendship. After all, I must remain in the shadows to avoid discovery by those who would bring me harm. I must continue within the parameters of my mission, but I wish something could be done.
In the meantime, I will continue dealing with this strange new sensation of emotion and learning to somehow integrate it into life as I have come to know it. Perhaps, my people will discover what they are looking for before anyone else I know dies? I hope so. I do not like this lack of control.
Until next time,
Teagan Brody is author of Sci-fi/Fantasy novels. Her writing helps guide the people of Earth toward a better future. Her most common expression is, "What would Thomas Shelby do?"