Greetings. Tobin here.
Having lived as long as I have, I have seen many deaths. Only recently, however, have I come to be affected by death. As a child, when I was first instructed on my mission here on Earth, I learned to view humans objectively. The idea that I am not one of you was reinforced regularly and, like my fellow classmates, I came to know this as the truth. For the majority of my life, humans have been merely a means to an end and that was how I viewed them. Even those whom I have spawned were mere by-products to be tested, trained and sent out into the world on the same mission I am on – not to be thought of as sentient beings who have emotions and ideas and any other importance in my life than, again, being a means to an end.
This past week, one of my scions died. She was three years old and I had only seen her twice – once on the day she was born and then once more when I happened to be passing through the area and thought to stop in to check on her progress. Last week, she and her legal guardian were involved in an accident in which both were killed. Of course, many other scions of mine have died. But this one seemed to mean more to me somehow. I do not know why.
When Teagan contacted me this weekend and asked why I had not been in touch, I explained to her what had happened and what I have been experiencing. She says it is my human nature for compassion that is surging to the fore in the wake of this tragedy. She explained this is what humans go through when they lose a loved one.
I would hardly label someone I have seen only twice in my life as a loved one, but Teagan says the fact that I was there for the birth of the scion and the fact that she was part of my genetic line created an automatic bond between us. Although I am unsure about this whole bonding theory, I did experience something vaguely resembling what I believe humans call grief upon learning of her death.
How do humans deal with it? I found myself missing this individual I had never spent time with or had any true knowledge of and it made no sense to me. That is when Teagan read to me a portion of the story she had written. It reminded me of the reason all life exists, of why the Universe itself came into existence. This helped put things into perspective in a way that made sense to me and I must thank her for that.
I find it amazing that humans can deal with this uncertainty and loss and still maintain a positive attitude. As I dictate these words for Teagan to type, it reminds me of the fact that she struggles daily with the knowledge that the illness that nearly took her from this planet last year has made a resurgence. When first I met her, I realized she had suffered from this illness for years. It was what kept me from using her for my mission. But now she has become my friend and confidant and I am almost glad she was not a viable candidate – almost.
I do not know if the thing called fate brought me to her life or if we happened upon each other merely by chance. However, I do know I would not wish to lose my new friend – especially not to something for which there are known treatments! But all I can offer her is my friendship. After all, I must remain in the shadows to avoid discovery by those who would bring me harm. I must continue within the parameters of my mission, but I wish something could be done.
In the meantime, I will continue dealing with this strange new sensation of emotion and learning to somehow integrate it into life as I have come to know it. Perhaps, my people will discover what they are looking for before anyone else I know dies? I hope so. I do not like this lack of control.
Until next time,
If someone had told me ten years ago, or even five years ago, that I would be playing host to a half-alien person, I would’ve thought they were nuts. Even today, after having gotten to know Tobin as well as I have, there are times when I still find it difficult to believe. After all, there can’t be too many people in the world who actually believe life exists anywhere else in the Universe, let alone that said extraterrestrial life forms have covertly invaded our planet!
When I think of it in those terms, it really sounds crazy. But hey, crazy is what makes life interesting, don’t you think?
Well, whether I believe it or you believe it, here I am hanging out with this half-human on a semi-regular basis while learning to think in an entirely different way than I ever could’ve dreamed I’d be doing. I mean, just looking up at the night sky has taken on an entirely different meaning to me. Used to, I’d look up and think how pretty the stars were and I’d wonder how far away they were and even how far beyond that was Heaven. Now, I know there are many inhabited planets up there with creatures much like us who are just going about their lives the same as we are. They suffer the same struggles we do and have to figure things out the same, too.
In a way, though, it’s made things here seem a little less bearable. Last night, for example, I found myself staring up at the stars almost wishing I could go there, wishing there were someplace up there that would offer a simpler, less complicated way of life. But, who’s to say things would be any different there? If I went there, someone there would have to go through what I’m going through here – covering up the fact that he or she knows something the rest of the planet hasn’t yet been clued in on.
This isn’t simple, you know? I have no idea why I was the one chosen to be shown the things I’ve been shown, or why Tobin chose to divulge the secret of his very existence to me. I’m not complaining, mind you, but getting through each day without being able to talk with people about it, to say, “Hey! Look at this! Isn’t it great?” is not fun! It makes me feel like someone sitting on the outside of a crowd where no one can see or hear me. It’s kind of like the character Stuart in the movie Kate and Leopold. At one point he goes on about how he’s a dog who has seen a rainbow, but that none of the other dogs believe him – all because dogs can’t see color. Now, of course, we know dogs can actually see color.
How’s that different from my situation? I wouldn’t have believed had I not met Tobin, seen the things I’ve seen, felt what I’ve felt. So sure, I get why people don’t believe. The kicker is I need them NOT to believe! I need people to think what they think – not only for me, but for Tobin as well. But it does make for a lonely existence. I guess I shouldn’t be whining about not being able to talk about things out in the open with everyone. But again, knowledge ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Anyway, I did want to send a special shout out to #Muse. The concert was great and Tobin and I really enjoyed ourselves. He was singing and moving to the beat by the end of the concert, the same as the rest of us and it was good to see. He really seemed to relax and have a good time. I don’t think that’s a common thing with him. So thank you.
As for the books, I’m still pluggin’ away. Still haven’t signed with an agent, but there’s always hope. I will keep at it and eventually someone will take notice. This would not have been given to me if someone somewhere hadn’t wanted it to be shown to the public. Who am I to have been given this information? I’m no one. So, this had to have been given to me so I would create this story and get it out to the public. And that’s why I will never stop. I may die trying, but I’ll keep writing until it’s all down on paper and then, I’ll keep sending the queries until I can no longer. Someone will finally read it and take a chance on this unknown author.
Until then, I would encourage any and all who are interested in Tobin and our story to send me your questions or comments. Either he or I will get back with you as quickly as we can.
If I don’t hear from you or get back on the site before, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!
Greetings. Tobin here. It has been a while since my last post, but I have had good reason for my lack of communication. This was the first Thanksgiving I spent in the United States of America and, as such, I celebrated with Teagan and her family. Of course, the others were unaware of what I am, as they still are.
It was fun, I must admit. However, I did discover something about myself I had not previously known. My body is far more susceptible to the effects of the drug Tryptophan than normal human bodies. I had never before consumed turkey and, after sleeping a full 65 hours, I contacted Teagan again to let her know I still lived. That was when she nearly died from laughter. (Teagan: I really did! He was still groggy sounding when he finally called me in response to all the messages I'd left him. I think he thought he'd been a victim of food poisoning!)
Teagan informed me of the chemical, Tryptophan, and how it affects humans. Apparently, it affects my kind much more. She has promised never to serve turkey to me again. But I must say it as well worth the extra sleep. All that food and such great comeraderie, I could not have asked for a better evening. I did not feel out of place and everyone treated me just like a normal human.
The Thanksgiving celebration was not the only new experience Teagan had in store for me. The reason she had called me after Thanksgiving was because she had purchased a ticket for me to a musical event, called a rock concert. At first, I declined her invitation. After all, I had been nervous enough just at the thought of sitting at a table with her small family. All seven of those individuals were cordial and welcoming to me, treating me as they would any other person. But I was on my guard the whole time. The whole time I was there, I still feared they would discover my secret.
Teagan is a very persuasive female, however, and she convinced me I had less to fear at a rock concert than I did with a small family gathering. That made sense and so I agreed to accompany her to the concert. It was not what I had expected it to be.
In my life, as you will have learned from earlier blog posts, I have been slow to engage with my fellow human beings. The fact that I only share half of my DNA with humans means at the very least that I look slightly different from normal humans. The differences in my appearance and mannerisms, among other things, often make me afraid of being discovered for what I really am whenever I am near humans. Teagan is helping me to overcome those fears - slowly, but surely.
After arriving downtown, Teagan took me to a restaurant named Pira Latin Fire next to the concert venue. There, we enjoyed drinks and a full buffet of tacos. The food was wonderful, but I found it difficult to hear anything other than the loud music the restaurant was playing throughout the entire time we were there. I enjoyed the music, but it was very loud. Teagan informed me the concert would be even louder. I found this difficult to believe, as I was already having to yell in order to converse with her inside the restaurant.
No one inside the restaurant paid even the slightest attention to me and the dinner passed without incident. Afterward, Teagan and I walked around the building where the concert was to be held, the American Airlines Center I believe it was called. (Teagan: Yes. That's where it was.) We found the appropriate line for our tickets and we waited there along with a large number of people of all ages and origins. I was surprised by how diverse the crowd was, for I had thought only younger humans attended such events. However, Teagan informed me many people of her generation greatly enjoyed the musical group we had all come to see.
I was glad there were older people there. I am not a young man. I know I call myself a Star Child, but I am far from childhood and I no longer look the part of a young man. Teagan and I look about the same age and many couples within the crowd appeared to be in their forties as well, so I felt more comfortable being sandwiched inside the building with thousands of humans. The music was as loud inside the center as it had been inside the restaurant, even though the concert had not yet started.
After purchasing drinks and tee shirts, we made our way through the crowd to the area we needed to be. There were many people standing down on the floor of the center, but Teagan had chosen seats for us. I was glad. I found it discomforting enough with humans sitting all around me. I would not have managed well standing in a crowd of them pressing up against my skin.
Due to technical difficulties, the performance was delayed and I enjoyed watching the humans and discussing different aspects about them with Teagan. She explained about the stage hands and the groups of people who were allowed in certain restricted areas while all others were kept at bay. It was very enlightening and I enjoyed learning all that I did while watching the scene.
Not long after 10:30 PM, the last of the technical crew exited the stage to an applauding crowd and the anticipation within the center became a palpaple thing. Minutes later, several individuals wearing strange, lighted costumes emerged to surround the stage. I thought these were the musicians. They were not.
Finally, the musicians emerged and took the stage. The roar of the crowd was deafening and I covered my ears. Eventually, I uncovered my ears and became involved in the music. Everytime the lead singer strummed his guitar, the floor of the building shook and that made my body shake. I had never before heard of this Muse, but I must admit I enjoyed their performance. The songs were thrilling and there was an energy coming from the crowd I found very appealing. I can understand why so many would flock to such a performance.
The stage itself spanned nearly the entire length of the floor of the center and the light show was spectacular. The images shown throughout the show brought on a fit of nostalgia in me with its images of stars and planets in space. During part of the show I simply lost myself in memories of my time off world. But the music kept bringing me back to my body and I would become involved in the beat and the words of the songs once more.
For a while, I felt wholly human, as if I truly did belong there among all those people and I forgot to be on guard and afraid. Even after the concert, the fear did not return for a long time. I could not hear anything, but I had experienced something incredible - all thanks to Ms. Teagan Brody and her eagerness to engage me more into the human side of this life.
I would like to say a hearty "Thank You" to #Muse. I cannot express to the members of this band the gift they have given me with their music and their incredible performance. Also, as my friend Teagan enjoyed the concert as well, I would like to thank you for making her evening so wonderful. I greatly enjoyed the lights and the sounds and the entire show and the thought and planning you put into it, along with your crew, made for the best first concert experience I could have wished for.
In summary, I apologize to all the turkey farmers out there, but I shall not be partaking of your product again anytime soon. I like life and being awake and aware is an essential part of my life. I fear your turkey would lead to me being discovered and that I cannot allow. Also, I would encourage anyone and everyone who has not yet enjoyed the pleasure of a Muse concert to do so at the earliest opportunity. It is well worth your time and effort, I assure you! Please feel free to drop me a line if you have attended a Muse performance and you agree... or disagree... or if you simply wish to voice your opinion on some subject I have previously discussed, or even if you just want to leave a comment in general. I would love to hear from humans.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my experiences. Until next time, I shall continue gaining more experiences (with the help of my human friend, Teagan) and I look forward to your comments,
Teagan Brody is author of Sci-fi/Fantasy novels. Her writing helps guide the people of Earth toward a better future. Her most common expression is, "What would Thomas Shelby do?"